So here's what's going on..

Ok, I am going to start flat out by admitting that I can be a jerk sometimes. That being said, other people can be jerks too. I know I am fat, I know I am unhealthy, I know I complain, but you know what? I am also more successful than most of the people who criticize me. I have achieved quite a bit. Yes, I know you guys have jobs or whatever but that doesn't make you better than me. At all. Because I am still in school aiming for a career to do something that's important to me. I have a piece of music published at UNT. I have dozens of songs written and ready to be recorded. I am musically talented. I write in my free time and hopefully something worthy of all my time will be published of that as well. I am sick of hearing that my life is not together because in reality, it's probably more together than most of the people trashing me all the fucking time. I have actually decided on a career and don't change it based on whatever TV show is popular at the time (maybe I could be a Real Housewife....) and I know that's what some people do. I don't think it's cool of anybody to talk about me behind my back either but I know it happens. If I have a problem with something, you know I will say it. I posted a status a few weeks ago that I probably shouldn't have but in all reality, I am taking advice from Sam. Even though we aren't exactly on good terms right now, I still respect her. Why? Because she knows what she wants to do. She also told me this "i may be a bitch for telling you otherwise, but if i have to be the bitch who gets you thinking about your life and the things you have to do to change...then I will." This is an actual quote from a message she sent me. So if I offended anyone, I am sorry but at the same time I feel you guys could achieve so much more if you actually tried. And that's my problem. I just don't understand the level of what you think is fair and what I think is fair anymore. It's 'ok' for all of you guys to place bets on when you think I am going to quit and move back home but I say one thing and I am an asshole. If you think life is hard now, try it in 5 years when you are on your own with no real job and no education. I have told you guys in the past that I feel it's important to try. Coming from me this all probably sounds like hypocrisy but whatever. Long story short... I lost a lot of friends recently for standing up for what I believe in. Don't like it? Then too bad. I am sick of being pushed around. I hope you all take some of this into consideration although I am almost positive no one will read this besides my mom. Hi mom.

Optimism Is The Healthiest Thing I Can Do

OK, so normally my blogs are just whiny bullshit. Not today. I had a very quick transfer to being an optimist. In other words, the half-empty glass filled up pretty quickly. For those of you who don't already know, I was diagnosed with Hepatitis about 5 weeks ago. I find out tomorrow what kind it is and how severe it is. That was a life changing diagnosis. It's not what you are thinking. I didn't contract it sexually or through sharing needles or whatnot. I have auto-immune Hepatitis which means that my body itself gave it to me. Just like my Diabetes. I am a little worried about what the results may be but I am making the best of the situation and finishing up my second and final semester here at UNT. To be honest, I am not gonna miss the school or the state as a whole but will miss my friends here. I love them all. They are not exactly the most supportive because they don't know EVERYTHING wrong with me but they are always there to offer a good laugh, which helps me a lot. My friend Marjorie and I can talk for hours and hours. Lauren, um, well she has an adorable laugh. My roommate Matt is sometimes fun but not always. No offense, man. That being said, I miss all my friends back home and cannot wait to see all of them. I have plenty of stories for all of you! After I take care of some medical business when I get back I want to spend the entire summer with friends and family. I am gonna try and not be alone because a lot of my friends are leaving soon. I am still upset with my choice to come here. I matured a lot and learned to live for myself but at the cost of leaving my friends. I am curious to see peoples reaction to how much I have grown as an adult and an optimist. This is my last week of real class. The week after is dead week in which I only have to attend one English class to turn in a paper. Then it's Finals week and I am home! I am almost completely packed already with the exception of a few things I need until the last day. I am excited to come home and hope you guys are excited to see me. Take care everybody. Thanks for reading.

It's been a while.

"My beds so cold, so lonely. No arms, just sheets to hold me. Has this world stopped turning? Are we forever to be apart?"

Hearts Burst Into Fire- Bullet For My Valentine

Hello there,

It's been too long since I have written a blog. I don't know what to talk about but I felt like I needed to keep people posted on my otherwise eventless life....

To start, since I have been back I have been rather depressed (doesn't help I have not been taken my pills...) I feel rather lonely for one simple reason: I didn't get proper goodbyes from hardly anybody. Plans were made to hang out one last time and I either was not invited (even though I was the night before..) or something came up and I could not see them. So I basically just got up and left to not be seen again until the end of May. But I feel empty... I made amends to some old friendships and some new friendships and guess what? I am still being judged for it. I don't give a fuck if you don't like it. I don't tell you that your friends suck so shut up about mine. I am allowed to have other friends besides you.

Anyway, I have started to sketch/draw in my free time. I am getting better with a little practice. You can see my drawings on Facebook if you haven't already. I want to learn how to paint but Jesus Christ the supplies are fucking expensive. Whatever.

Classes are going well so far. English class is basically the same people as my last semester class. Political Science is actually kind of interesting. It's basically government with a bit of history which I like. Popular Music is my favorite because the instructor is funny. I sit up front so I can stretch out my knee (which still isn't healed btw...) and he picks on me a lot. He asked me if I was gay today and I told him, " I am French-Canadian, I like musicals, and I am a theatre major but I can assure you, sir, I like the ladies and they like me back." My Physics of Sound is rather interesting too because the professor makes it fun. We basically talked about how Chewbacca could not growl in space because sound can not travel in space. Interesting...

Anyway, I have not been myself lately. I can't tell why. I am lonely. I am depressed. I am stressed. I am physically fucked. Ugh..... If you cared enough to read this, sorry it's rather ranty...