OK, so here is the deal:

I went to a psychiatrist yesterday and talked to him for close to two hours. I told him EVERYTHING about EVERYONE. Most of the people I mentioned were just like normal problems with him but when I brought up Aly and Jessica he dived a little further in. He asked me to make a list of anything they did to hurt me. Both lists were quite long and he asked me if they were really my friends. "They used to be..." He went on to say that people who are true friends actually give two shits about the life of their best friend. He asked if there was any specific things that were said that still hurt to remember. Yeah, I had a few...

Aly: "You kissed ME. Did you actually think I was going to get together with you after that?"

That for some reason still just hurts to remember that whole incident.

Me: Do you even care that I am leaving?

Jessica: No, not anymore

You just don't say that to someone unless you are a jerk

Niko: Yeah, I made out with that bitch, what was her name? Jessica I think?

Oh god that pissed me off so much... at both of them

Colonel Dubuy: You are gonna end up at CGCC and not make it anywhere. I can guarantee you will not last at UNT for more than a semester.

Way to inspire your students...

So he just advised me not to communicate with any of these people. Well that kinda already happened.

We continued to talk about my sleeping patterns and I told him I was having trouble sleeping in all stages i.e., had trouble falling asleep, kept waking up, and woke up before I needed to.

He asked me if I hallucinate when I don't get sleep. Yeah, I do sometimes but that is only with mirrors. So he asked me if I was afraid of mirrors and I told him yeah, because I was afraid of talking to myself and hearing the voices again.

"What voices?"

"He tells me to kill myself, that I am no good."

"Well, then you probably have Eisoptrophobia and mild schizophrenia."

So what does he do? Throws some drugs at me. Anti-psychotic drugs. Cool

For my depression, Anti-depressants

Sleeping sedatives, and these fuckers erase my memory while I am sleeping so I don't have

nightmares or visions while I sleep.

On top of the other 5 or 6 medications I take, I now have all these....

This is bad. I have become dependent on drugs to live and function normally.

We talked for a while about my fear of dying from health related complications. He told me I

was probably just being a hypochondriac until he pulled up my medical file. He had me

explain how I felt about all these problems and I told him I was scared. I was very upset that

my life could end here in the next few years. I wanted to have a wife and children and that

might not happen. As much as he thinks these drugs will help for the short term, the long

term stuff still makes me cry, makes me sick to my stomach, makes me want to do

everything in my power. Well it's too late... I just have to accept that I don't have as much

time as I thought. He then advised me to see a counselor every two or three weeks.

I guess I am more of a problem than I thought.....