Why must the good die young?

This is a question I often ask myself. But when people say "young" that can mean up to like 50 years old because their definition of young is basically anytime before their life expectancy. It's hard to explain but it makes sense to me. I am afraid to die young but unfortunately this is the only ending for me. I know it sounds morbid but trust me I am scared out of my mind with all the recent happenings. Two weeks ago I was dealing with a cancer scare, which is not yet over because I still am at high risk to develop it in the next two or three years. On Wednesday I went into the Emergency Room because I was showing all symptoms of a heart attack. Turns out, that's what it was. Me. 18 years old. And I had a heart attack. Another nail put into my coffin. How many more until it is nailed shut? I am guessing not much more... The heart attack triggered an episode of DKA (Diabetic KetoAcidosis, which is what I was in the hospital for in July..) and in an attempt to flush out the excess sugar my kidneys over compensated and dehydrated me. I was lucky enough to have my friend Ian drive me to the hospital and in great time. The doctor said had I arrived any later I could have lost oxygen and blood cells and potentially could have died. I have come close to dying many times but this is probably the closest I have been. I could have died. I SHOULD have died. I had three potentially life threatening incidents happen to me all at once. It's hard to explain how I am still alive after all I have been through. I don't believe in God but something is definitely preventing me from dying. Not quite sure what that could be. But this is how it's gonna happen... My body is going to shut down on me just like Wednesday but next time I won't be so lucky. I spent several hours crying because I sat there alone. I had never been alone in a hospital before. My mom was not sitting there by my side. My friends were not there with me except the guys came to visit for 5 minutes. I just cried because this is how I am gonna die. I have come to accept that. Unless I get shot or something my body is just gonna decide it's had enough and stop. I live every day wondering when that is going to be because whether I believe it or not, it's gonna be soon. So I am finally out of the hospital. But I just have to resume that constant fear and that constant suffering. The only way I am not dead is because I am on 9 prescription drugs. Most are to keep my organs functioning and the rest are basically to stop me from killing myself. I have become dependent on these drugs to keep me living. This is how old people live, popping a dozen pills at every meal to keep themselves alive. I see this only as a way of prolonging the inevitable release of death. I am suffering and no body is here to help me or hold me. I just want to stop suffering and I need to figure out a way to do it without killing myself. I am not gonna give myself that satisfaction. I just don't know what to do...