Friends.

I am going crazy. No joke. Not hahaha I am going crazy!!! Like severely insane. Why? My mind is playing so many games with me. Mental disorders are a bitch. Enough said. But the thing that bothers me the most is that the closer I get to coming home, the more homesick I get. It's really ridiculous. I had been ok yeah I miss you guys but it started hitting hard recently. Why? My heart is also playing games. I love you all and am looking forward to seeing you but I feel maybe this is happening because I don't get to see you guys for that long and then I am back here for three weeks. Not too bad but still... too long without my friends. This could turn out to be the worst birthday ever. I get to come home and see you for a few hours and then I don't get to see your faces for close to a month. Not the greatest present. It's like I get to rip a small corner of the wrapping paper off but it is not enough to fulfill my needs. Do you know what I am talking about? I don't... I just want to come and have a good birthday (or try) but I don't see that happening. Oh well... 19 is supposed to be a disappointing age. I just miss everybody back home severely. I miss Aly's laughter and her hugs and kisses. I miss being made fun of when we are in a group. I miss how the conversations always get awkward when Alex talks. I miss how Danielle is mean to me but is also being nice at the same time somehow. I miss how Trey is always the joke teller and nine times out of ten they involve me or Alex and animals. I miss Hunter, that crazy ass mutha fucker. I miss my Lala and our painting parties and watching movies. I miss Paige even though we have not had much interaction in person but she is a great person. I miss everything and everyone. Part of me wants to move back after this year but I can't. I am here to prove myself. Be successful. Get away from my demons. I still have not successfully done that but I am trying to find a means to. 18 days until I return home. Can you guys help me make the best of it? I am going to need help. I love all of you. Seriously I do. With all my heart. Without you guys I would be dead. Whether you know it or not. Moments of weakness often strike but trust me I carry around a piece of all of you to make me stronger and I am blessed to have you guys in my life. Can't wait to see you all.